I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Come on in and take your pants off
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