where does the pee come out of this thing
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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