I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
