He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
