Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
