just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
