apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
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I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i believe in u and ur pee
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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