who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
