i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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