Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
love makes seman taste better
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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