so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
