Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
