I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So much rum. So many feels.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
