A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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