Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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