you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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