she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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