Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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