also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
