i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
