Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
