apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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