rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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