I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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