I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
