my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
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I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
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We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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