dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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