Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
