At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
