I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
