I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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