I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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