my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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