There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
