Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.