How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
nutella sex= disaster
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD