She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am