Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
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Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.