Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I deserve this hangover.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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