just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.