Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
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The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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