I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize