If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
