i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
