I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
