I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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