im about as happy as oj after his trial
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
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We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize