Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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