Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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