dude i'm inner monologue high
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
