The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
