I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
