dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
