I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
