my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
