i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
