There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
