tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
