I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i love accidental penises.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
