I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
