Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
