best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
