there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
