I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
